Fathering means being active in the child’s life.  It means providing love and discipline.  It means modeling a loving relationship with the child’s mother. It means providing emotional support and helping the child to grow spiritually as well as physically and mentally.  The apostle Paul wrote:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 NLT

Over the years the most important thing I’ve found to help “not provoke your children to anger” is the idea of constancy and consistency.  When we’re happy we tend to let things slide and when we’re NOT happy we tend to crack down on any imagined infraction.  By establishing clear rules (taking into consideration the individual child and their maturity – this equals constancy, the kids know what the rules are and they are always the rules) and consistently enforcing them (dad and mom both, working together) the kids feel secure and are free to live within the rules.  As they grow and mature the rules expand, allowing for each child to gain greater freedom as they demonstrate their growing maturity and responsibility.

Fathering a child is the second greatest calling a man can have, after his call to be a loving husband according to the example given by Jesus the Christ.  To be someone’s dad, daddy, papa, pa; to know the joy of seeing the love and respect given by a trusting child is to know the love that God feels when we look to Him in love and trust.

The Lord blessed us with two sons and also brought three young women to our home over the years as well.  Those five were our kids on a full time basis but we’ve had many others of all ages come and go at different times.  We love to have kids around and they seem to love being around us as well.

I recall all the hype over “unisex” back when I was a child and a youth.  In fact, here in Colombia some hair dressers still include “unisex” in their advertisements.  But the concept of both sexes being identical has always rung hollow to me.  As one of five children, three guys and two girls, growing up even someone as dense as my self could see that the guys and the girls had different outlooks on life that were greater than the different outlooks amongst members of the same sex.  When my observations were made amongst my cousins and friends the same matter came to light – guys and girls thing differently.So, how can we get a handle on how folks view “love” in a relationship context?  I believe we can do so by availing ourself of resources that examine the differences between the ways individuals function.  There is an excellent book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. In this book he looks at the diverse ways in which we tell people “I care about you. You are important to me. I love you.” Briefly (I recommend you read his book and consider the information therein) the 5 ways we tell someone we love them are through Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.  Each one of us, independently from our sex, uses one of these languages more than the others to express love and appreciation to others.  Not understanding this can lead to feeling unloved when the other person does not “respond in kind”.  Thus a person who uses words of affirmation to express love may feel unloved by someone who uses quality time to express the same.  In a marriage this can lead to one or both spouses feeling unloved and unappreciated by their mate.

But there are also differences between the sexes, not just individuals.  Willard F. Harley Jr. wrote a book called “His Needs, Her Needs”.  In it he explores the differences between the sexes in how they perceive love and affection.  He notes that if we recognize these differences and fulfil each other’s needs then we will effectually “affair proof” our marriage.  Here they are, for your consideration:

These needs are not “set in concrete” and there are differences between individuals as to what is most important to THEM.  Some of those differences could be as simple as individual ideas of “attractive” or what exactly constitutes “financial commitment”.  One man may expect his wife to never lose her high school figure (boy is HE going to be disappointed) while another merely needs to see that his wife doesn’t greet him at the door each day in worn out flannel pajamas with tangles in her hair and the baby’s latest intestinal erruption splashed down her front.  One woman may expect her husband to constantly move up the corporate ladder while another is content to know that there’s a roof over their head, food on the table and that he’s doing all he can to provide for their modest needs.  But, when it comes down to it, these needs DO reflect the essence of how God made us as sexual beings.  Men and women ARE different, not just between individuals but also between the sexes.  No matter how modern society strives to tell us that we are the same, we are not.  Even a homosexual who tries to emulate someone of the opposite sex does not do so successfully.  The best he can do is be a parody of the real thing.  The same with a lesbian.  Because we ARE wired differently from our very conception.

The Bible also recognizes the differences.  The apostle Paul wrote, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Why did he not tell the husband to respect his wife or the wife to love her husband?  Because we are made differently.  A man can respect without loving.  A woman can love without respecting.  Thus the Lord focuses in on the areas in which we MUST concentrate and do our best to live His ideal.  When He spoke through His apostle He was saying, “Husbands, LOVE your wife, not merely respect her.  LOVE your wife, thinking of her as I think of my church – providing for her needs.”  And to the women He is saying “RESPECT your husband even as you respect ME because I have placed him as the head of the family unit.”

Yes, I know that modern society thinks they have better answers, but the growing divorce rate and other social ills brought on by poorly run families show differently.

Can you explain to me how a spouse can “just stop loving” their spouse. I am mad and it is not me that is dealing with this. It reminds me of my mom telling me she didn’t love dad anymore. My response was “to bad”. Now that I think of it, not the best response. But I really don’t understand how you just stop loving someone, a spouse isn’t just someone though.

My initial response is as follows:

You can’t.  Not if you ever loved them.  You can stop feeling sexually attracted to them.  You can not enjoy their company any more.  You can decide to not put up with abuse any more. But you can’t stop loving them – if you ever really loved them.  Our messed up society confuses sexual attraction and friendship with love.  They are not the same.  The greeks had a good idea when they came up with the various names for diverse feelings and actions.  We really mess up by using love for everything from chocolate to sex.

Here are some more thoughts on the subject.

Our culture uses the word love very loosely, to say the least.  “I just LOVE chocolate truffles!¨ “My cat is so cute, I just LOVE him to pieces!” “I fell in LOVE today! She has the most perfect body I’ve ever seen!!” “This pink nail polish perfectly matches my new purse.  Don’t you just LOVE it?” “I’m leaving you. Somewhere along the line I just fell out of LOVE.” “This new turbocharged engine develops 539 horse power on the dyno. I LOVE it!”  The interesting thing about all the former is that they have to do with almost anything BUT love.  Delight in taste, texture, beauty, power are not “love”, they are but delight.

Of course, I write (as best I can) from a biblical perspective.  The Bible teaches us that “love never fails” and by the immediate context we understand that to “fail” is to end.  Thus, love does not end, it MUST continue – or it was not love in the first place.  As men we are told “husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.”  Since this is a command it means that it is within our power to decide to love, or refuse to do so if we choose to disobey the Lord’s teaching on the matter.  If we can choose to do something then it is not based on emotion.  Emotion by its very nature is involuntary.  Merriam Webster defines emotion in the following way:

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us. I John 4:7-11

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.  Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Hebrews 12:7-11

Jesus – the reason for the season.

Here in Pereira recently there has been a huge outbreak in the number of bakeries – they all look about the same and they all were built in the past few months.  I suspect that one of these days we’ll see a number of them sealed by the government due to money laundering charges.  Either that or the population will explode – in size, not numbers.

Getting back to typical Colombian home cooking.  It’s mostly stove top based.  We have the privilege of visiting homes from all estratos, from the poorest of the poor to some fairly posh homes.  And the stove is almost always a counter top model, from two to four burner, sometimes with combined electric/gas.  If there is a cabinet under it, quite often it is just that, a cabinet for storing things.  And if there is an oven under the stove it is usually used for storing pots and pans, not for baking.  Now, there are plenty of exceptions, but I’m talking typical urban home.  In fact, many of the folks who DO have an oven – do not have ovenware.  No baking tins, definitely no pie tins, no pyrex lasagna dishes.  When they DO do a lasagna, many will use the disposable type of cook ware.  The rarity of the exercise is such that it is easy to write off the cost of the disposable pan rather than invest in a quality, reusable item.

Many folks we know have taken to baking more at home – because they learned from us.  Our oven isn’t used daily, but it is used frequently.  When they see us pull a “Dutch Oven” out of the oven and taste the results of one of my baked chicken experiments they get interested.  When they taste the difference between a real cake and one made from a boxed mix they think it must be horribly difficult to reproduce one of ours – until we show or explain to them how simple it really is.  One of our friends has become quite the turkey expert.  They made sure and incorporated a small oven in the kitchen of the house they remodeled.  And they made sure it was gas, not electric, as they planned to use it frequently – and they do.  In the countryside there are a number of the “bee hive” type ovens, but in the city baking is a rare activity in the home.

For those who like a coarser bread, Carrefour sells a dense, crusty round bread that is pretty good – but it’s white flour based, not whole wheat or mixed grain.  We’ll be doing a mixed grain bread tomorrow – but we start by cooking the grain first then using the liquid from the recipe to blend the cooked grain until smooth then finish it up with “salvado” and white flour.  It turns out fairly well, if I do say so myself.  Barley (cevada) and wheat can be purchased in many of the groceries.  The “cuchuco” (cracked grain) will tend to have a lot of the hulls included so we usually go with the whole grain instead.

One of the most critical aspects of bread baking is the yeast.  If you buy it from the typical supermarket here in Colombia, you’ll likely be getting some that is fairly stale.  We buy from Makro, it comes in a vacuum sealed half kilo square bag.  Once we open it we dump it in a dry jar and store it in the freezer.  It will keep fresh for months this way which is good because we don’t bake bread very often.  And make sure your liquid is not too hot or too cold.  Too hot and you kill the yeast, too cold and it won’t activate properly.

First, for a relationship to be a long term success it has to have a firm foundation. Just like building a house. No good foundation – it’s gonna fall. This means that we need to think outside our current societal “box” so to speak. Our culture over the past decades has emphasized some of the worst foundations for long term relationships possible. Some of them are as follows.

“You exist to make me happy.” If you rely upon the other person for your happiness you’re headed for heartbreak.

“All we need is ‘love’.” Our culture has equated sex with love and if a relationship is built on a sexual basis it is headed for problems as soon as the eros wears thin.

“I like you fine but you’ll be better once I get done remodeling you.” Take a good, long look at the person before you commit to them. If you think you can change this habit or that you’ve got another think coming. Someone said that some women don’t want a mate, they want a remodeling project. Some guys are that way too.

Now, long distance relationships can work out – sometimes. But there has to be a sharing of ideals and dreams. You have to be going the same way and be willing to share the journey. Our younger son just got married in August. He had dated his fiancée for about three years, and most of that long distance as he is in the Marine Corps. And now they are long distance again since he got shipped to Afghanistan. But they are doing well because they have the same vision, the same dreams and for the most part have done things the right way.

As we work with folks from different backgrounds we come to have some very strong opinions about relationships and what works and what doesn’t. We are convinced that the Bible’s model for marriage is the best way. The world has come up with a lot of alternatives, and some of them work – kind of, sort of, depending on many factors. But it’s like going after grizzly. Sure, grizzlies have been killed by folks using a 22 LR. But just because some folks have made it work does not make the 22 LR a grizzly gun. In the same way, just because some folks have made other relationship models work after a fashion does not mean they are the best way to handle things.

We teach our youth the concept of Christian dating. It is vastly different from the way our society does things – but our society now has an over 50% divorce rate so the current model leaves a lot to be desired. And when Christians use the world’s relationship model then they have at least as bad of a track record – so it’s not just the “who” but the “how” that counts.

We teach our youth – first things first, last things last. First comes a friendship based knowledge of the other person. Who are they, when their guard is down? What is their mail goal in life? Does their lifestyle match up with their stated goal? (ie: “I want to teach at Harvard.” – but the person never finished High School, much less spends time studying. Their stated goal is unrealistic as they are not working towards it)

As you become true friends, able to talk about anything and everything and as you learn to be supportive of the other person, you’ll come to see if this is someone you can stand to be around 24/7 – or not.

Once the friendship is firmly established then one can start to get more serious. This stage is where one digs deeper into knowing the person, who they are deep down inside and this is the stage at which talk of a life long commitment (marriage) is given serious thought and discussion. If “all systems are go” at this point then one moves on to a serious commitment – marriage.

Finally comes the part where our society usually starts a relationship – the sexual area. From what I read and hear it is now common for people to “hit a home run” on the very first date. A Christian dating scenario doesn’t even play ball, much less go to first base and no contemplation of a “home run” prior to the formalization of the life long commitment (commonly called marriage). Why? Because the sexual relationship was designed by God Himself and it is not just a simple physical activity – it has serious spiritual connotations. In Genesis it speaks of Adam’s sexual unity as “knowing” her. “And Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived and bore him a son.” When God brought them together He said, “For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” Some translations state “the two shall become one person”. This shows the seriousness of the sexual union as it is designed to truly bind people together not just for physical enjoyment but in a process by which they are truly mated together into an inseparable bond.

Our society treats the sexual area as “just another” physical activity. Kind of like, “Shall we go for a bike ride or go for a horse ride, go bowling or have sex?” As people reduce the sexual union to “merely” a physical level, they break the spiritual side of the union and eventually are unable to mend it in order to have a long term relationship. That is why we teach our kids, “Keep your hands to yourself, your clothes on and leave the intimate hugs and kisses for marriage.” We’ve seen so many unions torn by premarital experimentation that it breaks my heart sometimes. On the other hand, we’ve never had a couple who did things the Christian way who needed serious counseling.

Knowing my friend and his desire to honor God I knew that the original question is a rhetorical one.  So in my first response I summed it up as follows:  In other words, if you want a special someone for a wife (or husband) – be a special someone. God takes sexual purity seriously, so should we.

What follows are the rest of my contribution to this thread as well as further amplification and clarification of the theme.

In our ministry we run into a lot of people who are going through marital problems, most of which can be traced back to inappropriate pre-marital practices. And yes, pre-marital sex often leads to susceptibility to extra-marital sex. We are seeking ways to help kids to understand the concept of Christian dating. NO physical interaction (hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc) until marriage. Get to know the person’s mind and heart before the hormones kick in. Once physical intimacy begins then the thought process clouds and mistakes are made. If a couple learns to talk and pray together as friends then it is much easier to weather life’s storms. The physical aspect is natural to learn together AFTER marriage. But it’s an uphill, upstream fight against popular culture which glorifies that which tends to destroy marriage and long term relationships.

There are hugs and then there are hugs. There are kisses and then there are kisses. I’m a hugger, myself. My wife is not. But we get along very well, because I meet her needs the best I can and she meets mine the best she can. The problems don’t come from mismatches in the love language area (if you’ve not read the book, I highly recommend it – “The 5 Love Languages”), the problems come when needs are not being met and when an attitude of selfishness creeps into the marriage (or is there from the start).

Look at where we’ve come from and where we are. It used to be that folks expected to arrive at the wedding night as a virgin and to marry a virgin (speaking of folks with a Christian outlook on life here) and yet today all to often folks allow the culture around them to tell them what a pre-marital relationship should look like. And the world’s ideas of a premarital relationship are FAR different from God’s. When I state that single Christians who are seeking a mate should engage in “NO physical interaction (hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc) until marriage. Get to know the person’s mind and heart before the hormones kick in.” I’m referring to the change of mind that Paul refers to in Romans 12:1-2.  We should “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice” and we should “be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.  In this context that means that when we deal with a person of the opposite sex we keep our thoughts pure concerning them.  We should “treat the younger women as sisters, with all purity”.  That mind set keeps us from thinking things we should not think about them and helps to keep the hormonal urges to a minimum.  By not engaging in inappropriate physical stimulation we make it much easier to prevent inappropriate mental stimulation.

When both man and woman come to the relationship determined to give 100% of themselves to the relationship (Christian marriage is NOT 50-50, it’s 100-100) then the differences in love languages get worked out in a healthy manner. But if one or both hold back and fight “for their rights” rather than for their relationship then there are problems. A correct attitude towards the relationship (what can I give, rather what can I get) allows for better communication in this area.  And since we are talking about pre-marital relationships here, this is the time to see if the other person is in tune with YOUR desire to build a strong marriage.  This is the time in which you can analyze and see if they are “in it for what they can get” or if they are also seeking a lifelong partnership in which both parties will invest their all into the mutual enterprise.  If you are physically involved during this time then it is very difficult to think clearly about the matters of greatest importance.  THIS is the time to think clearly and analytically, NOT after you have taken vows before man and God “until death do us part”.  After the vows is when too many people finally come to the realization that they “are with the wrong person” – because that person does not contribute to the relationship but rather seeks to drain every drop to their own perceived needs rather than thinking of what it takes to build the relationship by providing for bother partners’ needs.

The trouble with hugging and kissing (especially the kissing part) is that it is far to easy to go beyond what is a healthy, friendly hug and kiss and to slip into sensuality. That quick peck on the lips becomes a lingering kiss.  The lingering kiss becomes a probing kiss. And so it goes downhill from there. The same with hugging.  A quick, friendly hug becomes a longer, more intimate hug.  The more intimate hug becomes an opportunity for caressing.  And it goes downhill from there. There’s not a person in the church I’ve not hugged, but there’s only one I hug as a sex partner (my wife, in case you were wondering)- and the difference is very great in both the attitude and the results. The same with the kiss. Here in Latin America it is cultural to greet friends of the opposite sex with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. But there’s a lot of difference between the way I hug a person from my immediate family and the way I hug a person from my Christian family. There is a difference even in that relationship, although both my immediate family and my Christian family are important to me the necessity of seeking purity calls me to keep certain barriers up to prevent misunderstanding or temptation. There are many different relationships we all have and thus a need to ensure that we are not inappropriate in our actions towards others.  There’s a difference between the way I hug and kiss my kids or grandkids and the way I hug and kiss my wife.  By not hugging them the same way I do my wife I am not discriminating against them or saying “I don’t love you” – I’m differentiating between the types of love and showing healthy boundaries so that they can emulate them.

It is VERY healthy for a Christian couple who think about dating to be careful of the way they interact physically. The line of reasoning some have is that “I must find someone who is identical to me in the love languages they use”.  This is not necessarily true.  One participant in the discussion referenced above mentioned that they had been in a “mismatched marriage” in which their spouse did not fulfill their personal, physical needs.  Their spouse did not provide the physical nurturing that they felt a need for.  So this person’s idea was that they need to experiment until they find someone who fulfills that need.  This is a dangerous line of thought and takes the person in a dangerous direction.  Such lines of reasoning have  lead some folks to seek someone who is “compatible sexually”, believing that they must find someone who will interact with them in the same way they desire in the sexual area.  So they try different partners, seeking someone who can live up to their expectations.  This actually leads to incompatibility rather than compatibility because they learn what Jane, Judy, Mary and Bertha like – but end up married to Sarah. And it turns out that what turned on those others does NOT turn on Sarah but has the opposite effect. And the same holds true for those of the opposite sex. That is why we as Christians must be VERY careful of how we handle each other physically. We should not be so naive as to think that we are above being tempted. The Bible teaches us to flee temptation and to shun the very appearance of evil. That means we must constantly be on the alert to make sure we are not making excuses for flirting with temptation.  If we seek someone who is 100% committed to the relationship and to showing God’s love in the marriage then the sexual compatibility problem will not arise. By learning to talk about things BEFORE marriage and by learning to respect and to know the other person non-sexually, they actually prepare the way for sexual compatibility as they learn together about this vital part of a healthy marital relationship.

The Bible teaches us to greet each other with a holy kiss. The key word there is holy. If one finds oneself “holy kissing” the sexually attractive folks more than those who are not then one needs inquire of one’s self as to the motives behind the behavior. Yes, we should be friendly and open with each other in the church – but maintain always the purity that Jesus calls us to have towards each other.

When one does not receive the appropriate level of affection in marriage then one must be very careful to not seek to satisfy that need outside of marriage. I’m VERY careful about the affection I show to women who are not receiving the affection they should inside their marriage.  As a pastor it is all to frequent that one becomes aware of deep problems in a marriage.  It is far to easy to become a stumbling block to someone who has an unfulfilled need and thus we must be very careful.  That is why I always work with my wife when dealing with couples or women. Whole books have been written on this and similar subjects. It is impossible to do justice to the topic in such a limited venue as a Facebook comment or a blog post.  Still, I urge you to consider the idea of Christian dating. What should it really look like? I stand by my assertion that it looks very little like the dating scene of the world around us today.

Many talk about being careful in the sexual area because of the danger of STD’s and unwanted/unplanned pregnancies.  If it were just the STD’s and babies it would be bad enough. But the dangers go far deeper. With each person you have sexual relations with, even “just” heavy petting, necking, etc – you form a certain bond. That kind of intimacy was designed for marriage, not for sharing with every halfway attractive person who happened to stumble in your way. What folks don’t realize is that in each and every encounter you leave a little of yourself behind. The Bible calls it “becoming one flesh” and it’s not just a euphemism for sex. It is a spiritual reality. And that is where the greatest dangers lay – in forming inappropriate spiritual connections with numbers of people to whom you have no lasting link OTHER than that sexual one. Casual sex makes for great difficulties in forming strong bonds within marriage. It is hard to help folks overcome their poor choices, but that is what we seek to do. The apostle Paul wrote that a sexual encounter with a prostitute is the same as a sexual encounter with your wife as far as becoming one flesh goes. To a lot of folks “that doesn’t count because it was only a business transaction.” They are dead wrong. There is no such thing as “casual sex” in God’s eyes.  Each and every instance of sexual contact builds a bond between the couple.  That is why we need to help our young people to abstain from sexual encounters until marriage.  That is why we need to help them to learn appropriate ways of interacting with people of the opposite (and the same) sex.  We are not called sensuality, we are called to true freedom.  True freedom is being that for which you were created.  And God did not create us to be libertines in the sexual area.  He created us to form strong marital unions in which the children can be brought up with strong examples of what it means to be men and women committed to God and to each other.

So, I subscribed to the comment section of the the article referenced above.  Little did I know the flood of emails that would reach my inbox!  The author really struck a chord with people around the world with this article.  A lot of people (especially women) lament the absence of males in the church.  Others seem to almost rejoice – one going to the point of publishing links to radical feminist “We Don’t Need No Stinky Males” type websites.  But also a lot of people report experiences more like our own – where men mostly take a leading role in their family and the church. In fact, a website called “Men Of Jesus” was also linked to by one of the commentators.

The Apostle Paul’s words to Timothy reflect the call of God upon men – men who desire to be REAL men and to follow our Lord and Savior in a manly way.  He wrote: “You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.” (2 Timothy 2:1-7)

God’s calling on us is strong.  He is calling us to a New Life in which we learn to be true soldiers of His Cross and warriors in the spiritual battle around us. But too many Christian men get “involved in civilian affairs” rather than serving as true soldiers of our Lord.  How many can reel off long strings of statistics about their favorite professional or college sport – but have no clue about what the Word of God says?  How many are proficient in winning video games – but are on the path to “Game Over” in the life of their children?

A Man of God – what a title!  What an honor to be worthy of such a description – if we would but BE such a man.  A man of God is like unto David the king.  He was a “man’s man” who occasionally goofed up, just like we do too.  BUT he didn’t stay down – he repented and turned back to God with a whole heart.  And that was the key to him being known as “a man after God’s own heart”.  His willingness to learn and his loyalty to his God and King.

Would that I had the answers to how to attract men not only to the church but to active roles of leadership.  We’re working on that.  What I do know is that as we allow men to BE men and encourage them to allow God to make them over in His image, families are changed.  The battle is tough as we battle against the social pressures around us.  But in Christ the victory is ours!

Boys live only for themselves; men fully enjoy life’s pleasure but also live for a higher purpose. Boys try to find themselves in what they buy; men find themselves in what they do. Boys base their identity on what they consume; men base their identity on what they create. Growing up doesn’t have to mean donning a gray flannel suit. It really means taking an active role in the world instead of a passive one. Making an impact. And creating your world instead of consuming it.–Brett McKay

Wow! I just got that from a friend on Facebook.  Good stuff there, and a lot to reflect on.  Really, there is a LOT of difference between men and boys – and little has to do with age.  In fact, some boys never grow up, they never desire or strive to become a MAN. They are content to be selfish, tied up in their own little world and their own desires – never allowing themselves to find TRUE pleasure through serving others and becoming made into the Image of The One Who gave Himself to show us what a real man looks like.

Looking at the life of Christ we can see an fine example of what a real man is.

1. A real man thinks first of others.
2. A real man can cry with his friends or for the desperate state of his nation.
3. A real man knows how to work and do it well.
4. A real man can show tenderness to a woman without lusting for her.
5. A real man takes time to be alone with God.
6. A real man does not worry about those who speak falsely against him.
7. A real man cares for those who are less able or who are vulnerable.
8. A real man can find humor and joy in the world around him.
9. A real man can teach others through his example.

That’s a partial list, just off the top of my head – so to speak.  Becoming a real man should be the goal of every boy. Raising a real man should be the goal of every boy’s parents.