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That is how the message started.  And it is one I’ve seen before, too many times.  The heartache, anger and sorrow brought about by sundering “what God hath joined” is all to common in our fallen world.  Why has it become so common?  Why do we no longer seem to care that people no longer are married “until death do us part”?

As a society we take it for granted that folks will sunder their marriage.  We take it for granted that a man and woman will be at each others’ throats until finally they “cut the blanket” (as a local saying goes).  But it should not be this way.  The Bible teaches us that marriage is honorable.  It teaches us to live peacefully in our homes.  But folks insist on going their own ways.

Perhaps this post is simplistic, but sometimes simplistic things are more profound than they seem on the surface.  The fact of the matter is, divorce starts before marriage.  Divorce starts within the way we look at life.  Our world view is reponsible for the decisions we make and the actions we take.  When a man and/or woman goes into marriage thinking “If it doesn’t turn out we can always get a divorce” – that marriage is doomed.  When someone chooses a marriage partner because of “how good they are in bed” – that marriage will be raised on shaky ground – probably resulting in a failure.

When my wife and I got married it was with the full intent of “until death do us part”.  We got married because we had similar goals and outlooks on life.  We got married because of what we had in common.   We got married because together we could go further in life than separately.  Have we had a “perfect marriage”?  No. The first years were hard because I as a husband was not being the leader that I should have been.  There were conflicts as there are always conflicts of one kind or another when people live so close to each other.  And as the head of the house I knew not how to handle them well.  Like Adam it was easier to blame “that woman you made for me” rather than looking inside at my own fallibility.  It was much easier to cry to God “Change her!” than it was to   come before Him on bended knee to say “Help me become the man YOU want me to be.”

And then it finally started to sink in.  The only one I could change was ME.  The answer to living better together was to change how I related to her.  As I started to look on her as the “help meet” that God had created for me rather than as the “person who drives me crazy”, I also started treating her differently.  And she started reacting to me differently too.  Have we “lived happily ever after”? No, I still mess up.  But rather than try to change my wife I work on the one I CAN overhaul – ME.  And gradually we have grown together, like God planned from the beginning.

So, for you young folk out there, how can you avoid divorce?  First, keep your pants zipped and your hands to yourself.  Allowing yourself to fall into sexual intimacy before you are married blurs your judgment.   When the hormones kick in the old brain clicks off.  Get to know folks from the opposite sex as people, as friends.  When you find someone with whom you share ideas and goals, check and see if you also share the same values – especially when it comes to the lordship of Jesus the Christ in your life.  And then start to see if perhaps you could travel along The Way together – towards the goals God has put in your hearts.

For a Christian there should never be any doubt about whether or not to date someone who doesn’t share your faith.  Simply don’t do it.  Dating is often the first step towards marriage so only date potential marriage partners, folks with whom you have already developed a friendship – folks who share your religious and other views.  Minimizing potential conflicts before marriage (by staying away from folks who don’t share your world view, values and goals) will make adjustments easier later on in your life after you are joined in matrimony.

Once you are married, learn to “fight fair”.  There’s a ton of books out there on conflict resolution.  Learn to communicate.  And guys?  Learn to love your wife as Christ loves the church.  Learn to be the head of the household who looks after the body with care.  Treat your wife with true love, not lust.  Look upon her as the Bride that Christ prepared for you, and treat her with honor.  Wives?  Look with respect upon the man you have chosen.  Don’t be caught up in the false feminism of the world.  Be transformed by renewing your mind according to God’s design.  Don’t be afraid to allow your husband to lead your family.  If you have doubts, don’t get married.  AFTER you’re married is not the time to try to make that sow’s ear into a silk purse.  Marry a man, not a project.

To avoid divorce you should build your life on Christ, and then seek a person who has built their life on Christ as well.  That way you’re on the same foundation and can more easily bridge the gaps.  Keep your eyes wide open before you ever propose or accept a proposal.  Don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship that isn’t according to God’s plan.  This will help you to choose more wisely the person you will marry.  And after marriage, keep your eyes half closed.  Don’t look for faults, look for the good in the partner you have chosen for Life’s Journey.  And above all, keep Christ in the center.  He is the TRUE substance and unifying force in the world’s strongest marriages.

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