On abridging rights
Ever since Cho Seung-Hui murdered 32 innocent people before he ended his own existence on this globe, certain elements of society have been hot on the trail to terminate the right of the people to possess effective means of self defense. They blame the instrument for the crime that was committed with it.
Now, if we were to take the same tack with other rights, it’d be interesting to see where we’d end up. It is a known fact that “copy cats” will endeavor to commit the same type of crime as that which some other lowlife committed – and got his name and face plastered all over the world, thereby garnering renown for an other wise worthless life. The media has time after time put other people in jeopardy because of their “First Amendment Rights”. Well, if we’d abbreviate those rights we’d end up saving a lot of lives. Let’s just make it a crime to report vicious crimes via any form of mass media. That will eliminate the copycats and deny the perpetrators the satisfaction of knowing that they are now at least infamous.
And spam! It’s the scourge of the modern world. Each day millions or even billions of e-mails are sent out advertising anything from “cheap internet drug stores” to ways to ensure that certain parts of your anatomy will overcome your genetic limitations. These e-mails are a real scourge, taking away countless hours of time from otherwise productive people. So, let’s just ditch the whole e-mail thing. Let’s take it away since it is used so hideously.
There’s no doubt that Jim Jones, David Koresh and other’s have taken advantage of people’s gullibility and have caused grave harm in the name of religion. It is also well documented that communism’s atheistic religion has cost the lives of millions upon millions of innocent people during the 20th century – and even today in the 21st century the adherents of this, the world’s most violent religion, continue to exact a terrible toll upon mankind. So let’s do away with religion too.
It’s quite inconvenient for the “duly appointed authorities” to have to go through the hassle of obtaining warrants and such in order to search for weapons, drugs and other scourges of modern civilization. So let’s just turn over to them the unfettered right to search anyone, anytime, anywhere. After all, if you’ve nothing to hide you’ve nothing to fear.
Most folks agree that it’d be good to find ways to cut down on military spending. The Defense budget is one of the (or is it THE) largest items on the US’s yearly budget. So let’s whittle it down in an obvious and easy way. Let’s simply obligate folks around military bases to take our soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen into their homes and provide them room and board. By doing so we’ll also have a way to keep an eye on all those wascally civilians and ensure they don’t get away with breaking the laws. Make ‘em behave properly and provide for our troops the lodging they need. Kind of kill two birds with one stone as well as cutting down the cost of maintaining a standing army.
And since we know that folks will do whatever in order to get away with all sorts of crime, let’s allow our officers to gather information in any way they want. After ALL, EVERYONE’S guilty of SOMETHING. So a little torture to get out the truth about crimes, a little sneaking around and paying folks for information, a little confiscation of private property to examine it for evidence of crime – none of that should bother us. After all, the ends justify the means.
And for those of you who’ve made it thus far, the post above is satire – in case you were wondering. 
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